"...the birthplace of generations of a proud people, a strong people, with a rich culture..." Now imagine me looking like a 60 year old woman ::waits:: ...got it?...alright. That would be me as Mother Negro, in the play “The Dream of a King” that featured February 15th, 16th, & 17th. Since October I’ve been prepping for this production with a group of dedicated individuals in the Heart of David ministry, which is a group that displays the message of the Lord through various forms of artistic expression (acting, dance, spoken word, rap, drawing, painting, etc.). Heart of David is under the umbrella of the African-American Forerunner Alliance and of comprised of people from many different cultural backgrounds who all have a heart to get the forerunner message out to the masses, especially to the black community. Rehearsals for production started at the end of October and since then we met every week to rehearse, attended weekly intercession sets for the Black community and attended a weekly bible study on the weekend with Stuart Greaves. And aside from that there was also a lot of “homework” to be done, including memorizing lines & pressing in for God’s heart for the play and for our roles. When we first started we knew that this was something that the Lord was going to use to transform hearts, but it HAD to start with the transformation of our OWN hearts. And that’s just what stated to happen. Our first read-through of the script together as a cast ended in tears, consoling, and the exposing of different offenses that we all had in our hearts. The Lord went to work immediately in us and shows us the importance of the play and that it wasn’t just a “regular” black history play, but that it was the staging of a prophetic message that was going to go forth into the hearts and minds of those watching. Our purpose was to not just to memorize lines and pretend to play a part, but to actually embody the message that the Lord would put on our hearts, know it for ourselves and then speak it forth and shift the spiritual atmosphere, paving the way for the Lord to release light and revelation within the black community.
During the beginning stages of prepping, the Lord began to expose different offenses that I’ve had hidden in my heart for so long. And they weren’t toward white people. They were actually towards black people! He helped me walk through different times in my life where walls and offenses began and His message to me was that He wants to heal them so that I could love the people that He wanted me to minister to. He’s been unpacking it all in my heart and has helped me to see people from His point of view. Some may be surprised that people can have offenses towards their own race but it’s true. And for me it’s come from different times in my younger years where I was looked at as not being “black enough” or that I was “acting white” and not a acting or talking in the way that many kids and around me did. And from there I started to want to change the way I was to fit into my environment. What it really came down to was a lack of identity in knowing who I was in Christ and trying to find a place to belong, which we all long for. And it just so happened that the groups that I was being rejected by (or made to change myself for) were the African-american groups of kids. I remember times when I had to act as though I got a D or a homework assignment in order to be accepted, when I really got an A. Being an achiever was heavily looked down upon even amongst young children and so I literally felt out of the loop when I made good grades. And the black kids that I ended up being friends with had also experienced some of the same things and so we stuck together in our own group, along with other white, Hispanic, and asian kids. And so from a tender elementary school age there were certain types of black people that I would always want to stay away from. 1) because I never felt “black” enough for them, and 2) that if I wanted to fit in I had to change myself so much to be excepted. It’s crazy to see how mindsets that were set in childhood have carried through into my teens and parts of my adult life.
Once I began to really seek the Lord again and ACTUALLY give my life to Him September of 2009, He started to bring me into my identity in Him and began to undo the lies that Satan had me believing about myself since I was a child. And recently, the Lord used this season of getting His heart for the black community to release even more freedom within me and has healed so many wounds that I didn’t even know I still had deep within my heart!! He’s been giving me His heart and His feelings towards the black community and has helped me to realize that they really are MY people and that I need to love MY people. He’s bringing me from a place of subtle & secret disgust within my own heart to a place of love for those who remind me of people who I had been hurt by. This has been a huge journey so far and I know that it’s not over. There’s much more work to be done in my heart. But what I do know is that I am so thankful for the way that the Lord is continuing to stretch me and make my desires become His desires. And I know for sure that He wants to use me in such a way to bring deliverance, freedom, healing, hope & joy to people. So why not allow Him to do that within me first?? It is for freedom that I have been set free! AMEN!!
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